Dear Lord, Help our nation!

Our President, Our Senate, Our Congress. Lord, we need You in our nation. Financially, leadershipwise. We need You to intercede for our nation, Lord. We are walking in pride. We are unrepentant, for the most part and accept these difficulties as fruit of our sins. Still, we don't turn from our sins. We have put You out of our schools. We have put You out of our elective process. We have put You out of most of our public forums. God, we want You. To us belongs confusion, as Daniel observed. We are reaping the confusion of our own making. You, alone have wisdom and solutions to our pride and our confusion. Lord, deliver us from our sinful confusion, Lord. Meet us in this end of year, new year seam. Be with us and give us direction for recuperating from our vast disregard of Your standard and Your ways. Your Name, is not honored and regarded. Your day is not experienced by many. Your honor is disintegrated and we think that the fiscal cliff is a problem. We live in the mud of our own floundering away from the Honor and Glory of the Creator of the Universe, who has given us of His heart and we are discussing the confusion that has resulted from this and not the condition of hellbound souls. We live with a thin breath between us and eternity and we consider a financial situation as more lamentable. Help us, Lord. Deliver us and give to us a heart of loyalty to You, in our hearts and in our souls. Help us have a heart of forgiveness for those who have guided our nations ship against these rocks that we experience at the present time. We forgive them for their consideration of their own provisions and not for the provisions of the needy and less fortunate. Help us to love oneanother through this dark and painful time of repentance that we have at hand. Lord, You have been merciful to us. You have been our dwelling place in all generations. We have sinned against light, Lord. Give us not up to our own sinful choices. Give us light and set our feet on Your road, Lord.

My Redeemer has been faithful through 2012! He is amazing to rescue me from my boggs.

He Does Rule the World with Truth and Grace!

"Joy to the World the Lord is Come!" No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground, He comes to make His blessings known, Far as the curse is found, Far as the curse is found, far as far as the curse is found.

Christ has come to bring deliverance from the curses, as a result of the fall.

We cannot mortify the deeds of the flesh alone.

In these days, where access to the gospel is so prevalent over the internet, we have a tendency to minimize the effect of fellowship and attendance onto the means of grace. Listening and hearing the Word is not enough. "Confess your sins one to another and pray one for another, that you may be healed." I am still waiting for my mental healing, but in the meantime I am confessing and walking in the trusting that God cares for me, even in my distresses. Sometimes, I hear people exhorting people to walk in obedience to God as though they have the ability to do so. We walk by faith and not by sight and we walk in the fellowship with other believers. We must unite fellowship and comradery in the mortification of sins, or we are not in fellowship with God's people. God uses one-another to help us grow up into Christ in all things. We are entitled to victory in Jesus, but we often live far below our privilege, because we are not enjoying the family of Christ in fellowship and praying for oneanother. I know that there are many who are praying for me. I pray for my brothers and sisters in the flesh and in the Lord. I pray for my neighbors and friends and enemies. I am hoping that I will live to see my mind restored, but until then, my heart will go on trusting God's mercy and help in my weakness.

They Have Moses and the Prophets... {The Rich Man and Lazarus?} A Christmas Carol?

Thank God, many believe at the testimony of Moses and the Prophets. A Greater, Greater, Greater than Moses is with us. Jesus has come that we might have life and have it more abundantly. Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol took the hearty wish of the rich man and penned it, to the benefit of all who would hear it's true message. Christ is come to the healing of the soul. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Sin has no hold on the soul so deep that Christ cannot break its clutches with His mercy and grace. He has given power to the Church to do the work of loving people to Him. We are born clinging to our sins and we grasp and clutch them, until they are replaced with the love of Christ. He is truly the stronger than the strong man. I like to believe that behind the scenes of the Christmas Carol, there was a church praying diligently for the spiritually disenfranchised, the Scrooges of the world for whom the bell tolls. I like to believe that God dispatched a supernatural visitation to draw the sinner to repentance of his sins. It happens in different ways to all who believe. That is the real miracle of Christmas. The truth that Christ has come that we might have life and have it more abundantly. Whatever the riches that we enjoy, physical riches or spiritual, that in Christ we can know that there is far more delight in Christ that we haven't tasted, nor will we, till we see Him face to face.

Jesus, what a friend for sinners, Jesus, lover of my soul, Friends may fail me, Foes assail me, He, my Savior, helps my soul, Halleluia, what a Savior, Halleluia what a friend, Saving, helping, keeping, loving, He is with me to the end

Restore Common Grace, Dear Lord.

Pastor Loran guided our minds through the minefield of grief in this recent tragedy that our nation has suffered. When he spoke about common grace, my minds eye saw the cutting of the cords of common grace in the season that we are now in. We saw these days coming and we have prayed for grace and strength and hope to endure. We saw the removal of the Commandments from the schools and the removal of prayer and the replacement of these things with Videogames. What else can ensue, but that a young man would target youngsters as though they were in a videogame. He and many have no reference of God. Pastor Loran snatched my mind from my man-centered perspective and placed it on the God of all grace who has been grieved and is removing His hand from our nation. This is a more hopeful mental picture for me, because God is our Lord and He is easily entreated and we can beg His grace and the return of His hand upon us. I was hopeful thinking in this way. The cord cutting was a semi-darwinian thought in that I saw us tumbling into "Lost in Space" spiritual condition, ever tumbling away and away from goodness and grace. This state of North Carolina has shown me so much of the beauty of the common grace of God that it is somewhat uncanny that Pastor Loran would be talking about its absence. The beauty of the skyline beautified with lights and kindness and not with sultriness,{not entirely, but much more than my beloved NY}. I can see the common grace of Gods hand blessing, if only for the offering that this state has made in sending Billy Graham across the world to win souls. Common grace is tangible here, they know it and enjoy it. They also take it for granted. They often don't even think that it should be prayed for, as the churches in NY know how to do so well. If we don't ask God in NY, the devil is sure to vanquish us. We know that, who are from NY. So we pray and we believe in prayer. O that God would give us the tradition that stabalizes the hand of God upon us for good and that we would know the grace to pray for the continued presence of God, which we do not deserve, no matter how many Billy Grahams have come from our land. God we trust Your care for us and make us Yours in tradition and in prayer. In Jesus Name, Amen

Sometimes, I think that grief is one of the devil's greatest weapons against the believer.

I can hardly tell the difference between my own soul and the devil, in grief cycles. I don't know if it is the devil accusing God, or my own heart, when it comes to grief of loss of my child. I only knew him 21 days and the devil can make me look at God in worst ways, when I look through that chasm of dark meditations. I do pray for the parents in Newtown and the other parents who empathize because of their own pains that are pricked by these sad trajedies. I pray that the Church of Christ will be aware of the pain that our brethren are feeling and what a danger it is to the souls of the grieving and be gracious to those whose hearts are in anguish because and through this season, now and for the rest of their lives. My tragedy happened on Easter and there is never a day that doesn't jarr the pot that houses thoses tender grief sensors. Shock makes us able to cope initially and then the days come and unwrap new accusations of God that must be pulled up like weeds and thorns that can choke any true faith from the soul. These tender souls need the special care of the church of the Lord Jesus. I pray that they will be instructed in the true value of prayer and praise in the life of the believer. I pray that they will be protected by elders who will not allow their souls to become prey to the wicked one. I pray that their lives will be seen as the mission of their churches to see them carried to glory on the pallet that their grief has placed them on. May they not, like "Heidi's grandfather", be left to curmudgeon outside of the community, because of their sad uncomfortability with levity in the midst of their inexpressable grief. Like the Lord Jesus, may the church give these dear and saddened people a place to bring their accusations against God and place them before the people of God, to have them prayed for, that they might find grace and help to grow and see God through the dark clouds that will only grow deeper and more sickening with the days of loss that will follow. Help us to remember the people with compassion. Lord, had you been there my brother would not have died, said the dearest friends of Jesus. Surely, we have no dearer relationship than they do. Help us not to sin so greatly in unbelief that You would not restore us. Help us to show that true sympathy and hope of the resurrection of the dead that Jesus showed to His dear ones in their grief. Thank You, dear Jesus that You are not daunted by grief from loving us. Show Your love to those people through the Church of Christ upon the earth, through acts of kindness and loving sermons and visitations and prayer and listening ears. Lord, You said that we could do these greater works in these days and we pray that You would own these works as we do them for Your glory. May we not be those who reprove and rebuke the pained and stricken, may Your people find a heart to love the stricken and draw unbelievers to learn of the true God, in their grief and believers to be unwound from the choking cares that grief inevitably inflicts. Not for our glory in this generation, but that Your name would be honored and praised upon the earth. In Jesus Name. Amen.

The Sacrifice of Praise is due, whenever our wicked hearts are tempted to murmur and complain.

I thank God for the examples of elder people who exemplified this truth in my life.  I have seen the power and strength of this truth at a time of my personal greatest anguish.  God was inhabiting my praise and empowering me above my strength.
I felt all strength leave my legs at my baby's funeral.  I felt the surge of strength when God's people sang in unison behind me. It was truly dynamic and supernatural.  I believe that it was what got me up when I fell, time and again.  Still, my heart falls into murmuring and disfunction, but, I know that God is worthy of the praise in my heart, even when I don't feel it.  He can and does handle my complaints and questions. Lord, why?  What are You achieving in my life through this pain?  God knows and cares and picks me up from the muddy banks of selfish anguish and carries me into the knowledge that He is greater.
"Halleluia, anyhow" was sung by older people in church and I used to wonder how they could sing that. I guess I still do, but as a discipline, I worship the God who is above all of the circumstances.  He has chosen to say no to my utmost desire. To see my eldest son live his life.  He was taken at 21 days old.  I know that God is greater and has my good in His care, whether I understand it or not.  He has the rest of my life in His care.  The sadnesses that come and griefs that we endure will be understood, by and by.  Until then, Thank God that we have a faithful and strong High Priest who is in the Heavenlies interceding for us.  I might complain, on occasion and He will guide me through the struggle to the safety of higher ground where I can cast my cares upon Him, who cares for me.
That's why I love Jesus and praise Him.

I do love Psalm 34.

Psalm 34:21 Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate. Psalm 34:22 The LORD redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.

It is one of my greatest comforts and still one of my greatest questions. I experience God's filling and fulfilling and I experience desolation and longing and wonder at God's goodness and my undeservedness of each. Are you here to bring to light my secret sin?, said the woman to Elijah. None of them who trust in Him will be desolate? Why do we suffer want? Outside of Christ, God owes us suffering. Redemption is the "fulfillment". God has come that we, who were owed suffering could experience redemption, in Christ. Ultimately, all of our needs are met. In the meantime, we wonder... When I am desolate, I think "am I in the camp that hate the righteous?" When I am fulfilled, I think, "am I in the camp of the righteous?" Christ is the payment for sin and we will know both the want and the fulfillment, but God is above it all. We trust Him to fulfill and to give to those who are His own, as He has promised. I have known empty days as all people do. I have wondered how this promise could be true, if I am suffering so. I have walked blindly in that area of life and expected God to prove Himself to me in that area of my life. Because I am desolate makes God no less God is learned as we trust Him. I see myself in this season, as Peninah to my dear sweet daughters, as I rejoice in what, to them is desolation. I thank God for their delay in child-bearing and they hate my rejoicing in this. I see how God is so far above our longings. It is in "REDEMPTION" that we are fulfilled. He is truly in control and keeps things, sufficient for the time when we can bear them. He knows our frame and considers that we are dust. My longings do not stay His hand or speed it up. His time-frame is sovereign and set. My blessings of full quiver and loving family do not keep Him from blessing more. We can still have that which we can expect, even when we are overflowing with His provision. Fear, keeps us from seeing His oversight in our sad states. He is above our infirmities and our healing. He is above our delights and our challenges. He is truly faithful to my soul in desolations and delights. Halleluia, what a Savior!.

The Mercy of God, that it wasn't worse.

Thank you, Dear Lord, for your mercy to grant us all that we need for the deliverance in times such as these. Thank you for the wonderful and consciencious leadership of the government officials; Mayor Bloomberg, Governor Cuomo, Governor Christie and others who directed with a steady hand the goings on of the recent and continued storm crisis that we are enduring. We pray for continued assistance to their hearts and minds for strength and peace and help that they would have the continued help to present a committed leadership picture to us that will help the city and the country keep a level head in a crisis. This is truly from Your hand, Dearest Lord. You calmed the disciples in the boat and had the entire storm in Your predisposing, we see in Scripture. Still, You were sensitive to the plights of the weak. Give peace and a sense of Your presence to those men who must act in strength before a people whose emotions are at the brink. Thank You for helping and guiding them. God, please give grace to the grieving and disturbed at this time. Thank You that Your mercy was evident and we pray for more mercy in the clean up. In the name of the Savior of Sinners and the King of Kings, Jesus, Amen.

He will beautify the meek with salvation" A prayer for bending the knee under the Sovereign Hand of a Mighty God of the

Universe.

Hurricane Sandy has come with force winds. We city dwellers have, for generations laughed in the face of such storms. Unwittingly laughing at the reminders that God gives us of His sovereignty. These storms have provoked our pagan pride and we repent at this time, Dear Lord. In the light of the humility we see in the North Carolinian submission to Your divine intervention in creation. We bow our heads and we bow our knees in repentance and faith that You have every right to level our city in this storm and in any way that You see fit. We beg, in wrath that You remember mercy! We know that we have provoked You to Your face, mimimizing Your great power in the winds and in the waves. We have seen it as a challenge to build against Your forces, as though we were competing with Your wrath. We have sent souls to their doom, in airplanes and boats and laughed that they and we had not bowed at Your fierce wrath, exhibitted in the storm. We repent dear Lord. We glory not in our stocks of animals to the demise of the souls given to our care. We glory not in the bucklers that we have built with our own hands to stand against Your fury. We know that they are matchsticks against Your true and just fury against our sins. We submit and confess to You that we are learning to bow under Your just judgments against us. We have no power against Your wrath and we have no reason to glory except that we know that the Lord Jesus paid it all for our souls' salvation, at the cross of Calvary. God, You are our God. You said to Abraham that if there would have been 10 in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah you would not have demolished them. We have sinned against light and deserve far worse than they received, except for Your love and mercy that has been showered upon us. We must learn from more humble peoples not to provoke You as we have made a habit of doing in our unbelief. Your storms are reminders to care for the less fortunate. The people who have no wall of protection and the people who are incapable of finding a shelter in the storm, give us grace to see this in the fierceness of Your exhibitions of power. We know that You are sovereign and we pray that You will use this to draw us to Yourself and to give us grace to grow and learn to emulate Your mercy as we have emulated Your power and strength in our cities. Hold us and guide us to the humble path as our sins make us rise in sinful pride. We love You Lord and pray for mercy and grace to learn and grow, In Jesus Name. Amen.

What happens when we are overexposed?

Years ago, there used to be camera film to process, in nearly everyone's home. You kept these precious memories in a dark place, lest the overexposure to the sun make them useless remembrances of days and events. Exposure to light would darken the image and no photograph could be produced from the film. I have sat in the sun and played in the sun, until my own skin has been so black that I could be nearly invisible for the blackness. Soon, with less exposure, my complexion would return to normal and I was myself again. Only Grandma would castigate my heedless exposure to the sun. Skin is limited, she would warn. There is only so much sunshine that the skin can endure without skin cancer developing. I kept these warnings in my heart and took care, although ever so incredulously, to try to keep my skin from so much sun. Sometimes, I fear that those whose job it is to handle the Word of Truth may suffer from overexposure to the attributes of God. What are the symptoms of this malady? I know that in my own soul there have been seasons of overexposure and overuse of one specific attribute of God, or means of grace that I have stumbled over and suffered dearly. The clouds of vicisitude roll in and all you have of faith, is like a lightning ball in your hand. It has no power to direct your path. It is simply light and heat as a posession. Perhaps, you do not altogether lose your assurance of salvation, but it does little in your life to preserve from sin and keep from insecurity and draw closer to the God of all Glory. Thank God that He is the author and the finisher of our faith. He is the tender and keeper of our hearts and minds and not we, ourselves. I see Him, {in my mind's eye} preparing a cat of ninetails for my soul to turn over the fallowness of my moneychangers self remnants. In eternal love, He removes the self-preserved unholy uses of holy ambitions. Sometimes, it is in meeting someone whose struggle is completely opposite of my own. Sometimes, it is the darkness of griefs that roll in like the tide that turns me on my ear and remind me of the need to hold onto God and not my ambitions for God or for myself in God. Somedays my heart feels like the chaff, crushed and scattered, for aching. Is that what you meant is the fruit of unbelief, when my broken heart is unable to be gathered for the dissimulation? God reminds me that He is greater than my heart. Some preach and teach from such a guarded heart that they are always the predator of hearts and never the preyed upon. Jesus stated that He sends us forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. The predator of hearts is a state that is in danger of perhaps having been seared.

Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly...

Where are you God, when I am overexposed? When I am feeling my heart, like chaff flitting and broken and hardened and preyed upon and a predator? Even then, God has the remedy. Even then, it is not unto us to find or be the remedy. It is God who will fashion the instruments of right exposure and right sensitivity to sin and to unrighteousness. God is growing us up into Christ in all things. Service and challenge can be a jarring element to shake us from this fatal ease. Decorum can be a curtain of hiding our impurities until we are dealt with by God's Word, in discipline and restoration. We know when we are in the danger of making shipwreck of our faith. Those closest to the light and heat of the power of God are the most in danger of really being deceived by demons. Satan, himself sits as an angel of light. Help us Lord, who know You and feel that we love You, be submitted to Your word in truth and not for our own glory. Desensitize our overexposure and restore our skin from the burns that we have inflicted upon ourselves. Disect our intentions to us that we may be true to You and not deceived by our own lusts. We will glorify Your name for Your faithfulness to our souls. In Jesus name, Amen.

Christ died for the ungodly

I was so struck, in our study of Gideon, this past Sunday; that the Lamb of God seemed to interrupt, as it were, His eternal preparation for the sacrifice to converse with Gideon. Was it an interruption, I pondered? Was it not the preparation of the Lamb, throughout eternity, that perfection of God enfleshed would send precursors to light our path toward redemption. "My people are in anguish of soul, they truly believe that they are abandoned." Our Savior implores the Father for permission to include this incident in the preparation of the Sacrifice. It is part of God's perfect plan and we, as the sinning gentiles were, as it were, as close as we could be to redemption, under the Old Testament. Wickedly, we were a part of the subjugation of God's people. Living and pursuing our own way, which was the subjugation of others, especially God's Israel. We did not know. At redemption's completion, Israel would do likewise to the Savior. Unwittingly, condemning the Savior to die. This is as close as they could be to redemption under the Old Testament and yet many would miss it. Pride closes our eyes to the Humble Savior, who comes to His people and grafts in the unsaved and gentile and the only people left without are those who would attempt to craft their own way into redemption, rejecting the full sacrifice of Christ. I am persuaded that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ and that His plan is so infinitely superior to ours. Halleluia, What a loving and condescending Savior.

What happens when we sin?

Here we are, visualizing Abraham's catechism class with the Lord and the question arises what happens when we sin. Again, from Adam, who sinned and blamed to Sodom and Gomorrah, where we are watching God interacting with Abraham, there was sin everyday. Everyday mankind ran further and further from God, until they would have run themselves into outer darkness. God is holy and He cannot involve Himself with sin or sinners. We are still running headlong into sin, if we are not arrested by the Grace of God in the sacrifice of Christ. Abraham would have seen, in the judgment of Sodom the fact that his own sin deserved judgment and was being paid for. He would have seen that, although he is not living in Sodom, God is so holy that he cannot interact with Him without a mediator. Jesus Christ the righteous is that mediator, now enfleshed and sitting at the right hand of the Father, but then the word of God delivered in shadows and pictures for the future. Confession of sin and daily cleansing is pictured in the book of Leviticus and I am so glad that it is. You are going to stumble in this and that way, even when you are trying to walk rightly. The Old Testament saints had serious and exacting prices to pay for each and every situation of uncleanness that they stepped into. We are not like Adam, their sacrifices seemed to say. We are not blameshifting and running away from the only cleansing for sin. We own our sin and we are paying the price that God demands, to show Him that we believe that He has an eternal price for sin that is to come. That price has come and has been paid. Part of the 2 immutable things that God has paid that He does not lie is the one who exacts the price and the payment of the price. Both being in God. God the Father, the demander of righteousness and God the Son, the Righteousness demanded. Jehovah Tsidkenu. Halleluia, what a salvation. We cannot pick ourselves back up. We throw ourselves upon the mercy of God, paid for in Christ. We have betrayed His holiness and we are trying to love Him. We run to Christ and trust His payment. Help me, Lord to want to be like You. Cleanse me.

I imagine Abraham, sitting and looking at the sky and wondering "Who made me?"

God, clearly said, I am so glad you asked that question and what followed was a wonderful conversation that we are still privy to today. God continues to reveal His love and commitment to Abraham and those who follow him in faith and questions. God's catechism to us about Himself is far more abundant and searching and clear. I made you, He shouts, I love you, He bellows in every loud thunder. I am trying to tell you about myself. Let me show you Me, He cries, but first you must see you. You are unfaithful, inconsiderate, untrue. I am making a vow that I will love you, Abraham and I will spend the rest of time showing you myself and fleshing out the reality of our love. One member of the Trinity reveals Himself to Abraham in holiness and power. He gets a glimpse of the triunity of God, at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham, if you were the only sinner on the earth and I was going to love you I would have to have destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah to reach to you. That is how sinful you are. All of those people could not pay for your sins. Only a perfect substitute, only the two immutable things by which God could and would and does not lie. Where is it? Abraham must have wondered. We are trying to live right as we can. God thunders and cajoles His holiness in Sodom. Come to me, please. He implores. Do we come? Every question is answered in the truth of God's holiness. What is wrong with us? God is holy. We are not. How do we get there? He provides the means and the way in and through the Lord Jesus. He has paid it all and answered every question of why we are not with God. We are not holy. Abraham was not holy. Sodom and Gomorrah were not holy. The heathen nations were not holy. Let us reason from the greater to the lesser. Why should a holy God care about us? He promised to care. He started this conversation for His own glory. He gave us His commitment to be drawn by His love and we will be drawn. When God starts catechising and showing off the love He has for us, it is breathtaking. Look at the stars, Abraham, He says, I will keep showing you the love I have, in that your children will be numberless like the stars. I am not an impotent God, He displays, but I am showing the lengths to which my love is reaching to make a way for helpless sinners to be mine, my very own, my purchased posession. What can separate us from the love of God? He is committed, when I am not committed; he will draw me with His love. I come in confession and awareness of my unworthiness.

The goodness of God leads to repentance.

The picture of Ephraim in Hosea was as close to a gentile as the people of God could perceive in that day. ie. Inbred duplicity in the ranks. Heathen for years and years, born of Israel, but a heart that is half of Egypt and half of Israel. Can they be saved? No, says the religious heart. God saw something good in me and that is why I am here, we imagine, if we are self righteous. He couldn't have a plan for Ephraim or the heathen nations. God called Hosea to lay out the reality of God's love, even for the heathen nations to Israel. Could God love them? Could God really pay the price of sin for heathen people? The religious heart thinks itself somewhat worthy of the love of God. That is the greatest deception of all. God didn't choose Abraham to make self righteous deceived people. He paid for Abraham and all who come to God in faith in Christ. He loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives and that plan is to make us holy. To clean us up, like a mangy puppy and help us learn to be clean. My heart walks like an Egyptian and is black, can He cleanse it? He is Holy! Make us know our true estate and humble ourselves to know You more.

Fred Hammond has a way of reminding me what our elders did to us.

I heard this song from Fred and I said, "Fred, Wazzup, where is the doctrine and the depth that I have come to appreciate from your songs." In my spirit, by the middle of the song, I saw the elders and the mothers of the church who taught us to "receive the Holy Spirit!" I saw the faces of sometimes bored and boring god-seeking teenagers who looked to our elders for direction and they gave us the gift of repetition. We received the message and we received the real Holy Spirit and all of the good gifts that He gives. Godly households, happy marriages, love and peace and help in the storms and all because some people gave us repetition. Doctrine is Okay, I heard Fred say in this song, but there is nothing like saying it again. I still think that Fred is the best theologian of our generation. Thank you for helpin' us to "PRAISE HIM!"

Lord, Teach us to Praise!

You are worthy of worship and glory and honor, Lord. You are mighty and one of the first instructions of the difference between God and the gentiles that You spoke to the woman at the well was that the Father seeks such to worship Him. You who need nothing or no-one, would seek the likes of "dogs" to worship You? It seems unfathomable, but it is true and drove that woman to testify. The Father seeks such? He knows me? He knows where I've been? and the Father seeks such, unworthy, inept, unlovely ones? He can and does clean us and make us and remake us to be...worshippers? Broken hearted, jaded, disenchanted people can find purpose in prayer, seems to be what that woman found in Jesus. You can be a vessel for the honor of God. Praise and Worship is due to our God, whatever we are or have been. After repentance, praise is our purpose. The fruit of our lips and our lives. Give us the words to worship and praise You, Lord. We haven't the words or the gumption. Amen.

Seeing and Savoring the Sufficiency of Christ!

The message from Pastor Piper brought the sacrifice of Christ into perspective in my life. He discussed the reality of Christ sacrifice on behalf of my impotent soul being the fuel that empowers the sacrifices of love that I am called to exhibit. We bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord. I don't feel like praising God, sometimes. I don't see with my eyes the answers to my prayers, sometimes, but I am called to focus my minds eye upon Him and that evokes worship. Pastor Piper seemed to make a parallel with the service that I am called to give in response to His care for me. I bring the sacrifice of love to my family, in imitation of my Savior and in response to the great care that He has placed upon me. I may faint in my service, at times. I may be limp and powerless in some aspects, but my exertion is empowered by the thought that I am the recipient of infinite mercy and grace and love from a perfect God and blessed beyond measure. I faint when I look at the journey. I faint when I look at my feeble efforts. I faint when I look at the hand that are attempting or at the recipients, but when I gaze at the great and infinite Savior. The perfection of His passion, the perfection of His Love and of His service, I can cook one more meal, discuss one more problem, open one more subject, for Him and not for me and not even for them. Thank you Pastor Piper for turning my eyes upon Jesus.

The Power of the Efficacious Work of the Savior!

His Blood atoned and that is the strength that we can have to arise... from guilty fears. From Guilty fears? The upright soul imitates God and stands upright because the blood of Jesus paid for my sins. I would be in hell today, were it not for His eternal payment for the punishments for my sins. Each new day is a new measure of the mercy and grace that keeps our eyes and our souls heavenbound. I needn't keep my eyes on the ground and my shoulders slouched under the weight of the guilty fears. Fears that my sins which ever chase me, will overtake me, unawares and eternally consume me. That is Christ's job to subdue them. He ever lives to make intercession for us. He is the stronger than the strong man. He is the one those guilty fears have to answer to. Guilty fears {I speak to them in my soul} You have to answer to God. You are confessed to the Father and under the blood of my risen Savior. Dear Holy Spirit, bring comfort and peace to this battered heart this morning, distressed by guilty fears that haunt and howl. Arise my soul. Amen.

Would that same finger, scribble on the sand of my heart?

Conviction came to the mob, while Jesus scribbled. Justification came to the woman through His words, but those who were her accusers slunk away. Help us to be forth coming in our repentance to You, Dear Lord. I pray that I would not be the religious accusers, distanced from God by my self-righteousness, but one who feels the hand of Jesus upon me in my own "mea culpas".

God's care for His People!

I am grateful for the promises of God which are yea and amen for us, who make the Lord our trust.
 I don't think it is emphasized enough the fact and parallel that God makes between Abraham and the Church of Christ.  We tend to think that we can overcome with just ourselves and our great Lord and King.   We think that His cherishing is to us, individually and it is.  But, it is to us, in and through His Holy Church.  He makes promises to us, in so much that we are participants of the means of Grace, in relation to His Church.  It is all over the Scripture, but very minimized by our pagan and individualistic minds. 
Zeus may be a god of the individual, but the True and Living God promises to the individual through the Church.  He will build His Church and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.  The gates of Hell may dominate anyone of us, as we individually take on the forces, if we are foolish enough to think ourselves a private entity.  When we divorce ourselves from the true doctrines of God's Church we are divorcing ourselves from God's promises.  He promises the grafting in of the gentiles, through His Church and then the cherishing that happens in Psalm 121 are ours.

Oh, the care and consideration for details of our Lord!

Exodus 39:27 And they made coats of fine linen of woven work for Aaron, and for his sons, Exodus 39:28 And a mitre of fine linen, and goodly bonnets of fine linen, and linen breeches of fine twined linen, Exodus 39:29 And a girdle of fine twined linen, and blue, and purple, and scarlet, of needlework; as the LORD commanded Moses. Exodus 39:30 And they made the plate of the holy crown of pure gold, and wrote upon it a writing, like to the engravings of a signet, HOLINESS TO THE LORD. Exodus 39:31And they tied unto it a lace of blue, to fasten it on high upon the mitre; as the LORD commanded Moses.

It seems as though the Lord paralleled saved humanity in the stones on the Priests vestures. It also seems as though the Lord painted the picture of a New Testament world for the Old Testament saints in the details of the vestures, as well. It may be a stretch, but it seems to me that the structures of human care and upholding are paralleled in the garments. Fine twined linen and the colors of them. God lending His care of humanity to coordinated efforts of people, taught and prepared for serving Him, by serving one another. I imagine a garden (not my garden):plants left to fend for themselves: God's garden is tied, (it looks like) with special materials. Families that God planted on the earth, held up, by lace and linen. Kept from bruising themselves on the earth in the vicisitudes. Schools, hospitals and Insurance, etc. support in the structures of society, influenced by principles of the mercy of God, initiated in Moses and lived out, by the people of God in the Old Testament and then redeemed gentiles grafted in, keep their tomato plants aloft, insomuch as we maintain the cloth. Help us, Lord to cherish the structures handed down to us. Amen.

Remember Lots Wife!

Jesus surely came to seek and to save that which was lost. He bids us to remember Lot's wife in scripture, who turned back and was consumed into a pillar of salt. The mercy of our Lord Jesus who saves to the uttermost is highlighted by his remembrance of this silent subject of scripture. Jesus remembers the forgotten and unloved woman. Jesus remembers the forlorn and uncared for woman. Jesus cares and tends the smoking flax. Who would not have questioned the integrity of a man of God, who would send her children out to the mob and save strangers, whether they be angels or not. Jesus came to unravel the complicated heart of woman and meet the needs that men cannot see or experience. He who met the woman at the well, is the same God who is not like Lot, nor like the angel, who could only speak the word and grab the hand. The angel had not the power to change the heart of unbelief. Jesus has the power to remove the heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh. The disenchanted heart and the heart made hard from watching the people who claim to represent God hurt them in their callousness or in their forgetting. Jesus ready stands to save and to heal. Lots wife and Hagar saw themselves outside of the realm of redemption. God takes the opportunity to make Himself the stronger than the strong man in the New Testament. He ready stands to save us, full of mercy, joined with power. Remember that when "all men stand as liars", God alone is true. We don't come to an Angel or to a good or even great man, we come to the compassionate and faithful High priest of our souls, Jesus Christ, the righteous. Grant us grace to see Christ above, even the godliest of men. Amen.

Matthew 8:8 The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.

It is my opinion that the centurion would have been among the early church fathers to have assisted in putting the "Mass" together. This seems likely because of the placing of this phrase, so delicately at the communion meditation. Lord, I am not worthy, {no matter my station in life}. Rich or poor, bond or free, but what a testimony to the faith of one who had much in this world's goods. God is no respecter of persons and sometimes He uses such to publish abroad that real and heartfelt truth.

Jesus sought me, when a stranger

Wandering from the throne of God,

He to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

Bringing all of the offerings into the presence of the Lord

Exodus 35:5 Take ye from among you an offering unto the LORD: whosoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it, an offering of the LORD; gold, and silver, and brass, Exodus 35:29 The children of Israel brought a willing offering unto the LORD, every man and woman, whose heart made them willing to bring for all manner of work, which the LORD had commanded to be made by the hand of Moses. What a beautiful picture of offering to the great and mighty God, Exodus 35 is. When God has shown Himself, it makes us want to give unto Him from our substance. Our hearts, we bring. The parts of us that are useful to Him and the parts that are able to be given. The willing heart gives, first himself and then his substance to the Lord. Some of us have much. Some of us have differing parts of ourselves and public and private offerings to give to the Lord. Some of us have little, perhaps only money and nothing else. But God stoops to receive our offering, as though we were children. He does not despise the "willing heart". He created the "willing heart". He made it willing. The Blood of Jesus cleanses and sanctifies the offering and makes it fit for the Master. Our Father shows us how and where and what to give of ourselves to Him.





Help us, Lord to respond to Your goodness with a "willing heart".   Amen.

God's Presence Scatters Sin

Exodus 33:2 And I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out the Canaanite, the Amorite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite: Exodus 33:15 And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence






Throughout scripture, it is beautiful to me to see that the heart of godliness is desiring the presence of God. It is the highest posession, achievement, acquirement, to desire and enjoy the presence of God. Especially, when I look at Moses, this truth shines out at me. He had position. He was basking in the splendor of Egypt. But, there was more. He was humbled to the dust at one point in life, but there was more humility to desire. He had leadership of God's people, and so a spiritual identity, but there was more to be desired. What else could you want, we think to ask Moses? He missed the entrance into the Promised Land, but, He had talked face to face with God. There was no more to ask than that. Can I know You more, Lord? Was the quest of Moses. God granted him this. In the cleft of the rock he saw God's goodness. He had an understanding of the mind of God, that was awesome. God filled him to the human limit of His presence on earth, in the Old Testament. God had to clear all idolatry from the land, before inhabiting that area with His people and with His presence. He is Holy. He is so far above us and many times we are intimidated by holiness and flee from the presence of the Lord, when we are aware of His real graciousness. We needn't run from Him. He is just and the justifier of them that come to God through Christ.

Have we position? Seek the Lord's presence in our position. We have more than Moses had, in Christ. Have we privilege? Seek the Lord and see Him as the greater privilege. He will be the crown of privilege and the crown of position and the greatest treasure. Sometimes, He allows us to have these things so that He can show us that His presence is more satisfying. Lord, I pray that You would go with us into the new seasons of blessing and identity. Make Your presence the satisfying of my soul. Amen That is how Moses received friendship with God. He asked. Can I see Your glory? Yes, God responded. Can I know Your presence? Yes. All of the promises of Scripture are Yes, to the Christian, in Christ. Are we in awe of what Moses had with God? We have more, in Christ. We mustn't put on "invisopower" to God. It doesn't work. Sometimes, we want to blame our place in life, high or low for our paultry relationship with God. God is no respecter of persons. He met with those who had much and those who had little. It is the desire in my heart that I must deal with. The opposite is to cast your lot in with the "Jebusites, etc." The next time God scatters the Jebusites with His angels will be in Hell. We don't want to cast our lot in with them. Christ came to give us the presence of God in our lives. He paid it all for us to enjoy, His presence above all.

The Devil's Promises and God's Promises

Matthew 4:9



And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.







The Devil reenacted the move that sent him to Hell, originally.   He promised the Lord all, if he was worshipped.
The desire for worship to be given to us does not belong only to the devil.  We are all succeptible to this temptation.  Imagine, the desire for the God of the Universe to fall and worship you.   That is our depravity and it is in imitation of our original sinful father.  In our recreation, we are learning to turn our worship from ourselves to the God of All Worship.
We take time parsing thoughts to turn them manward.  This is for me and this is for God, we divvy out our praise.  {some say, I don't feel comfortable with a worship that only worships God and doesn't talk about me.}   That sounds some like Matthew 4:9 the bargaining of the devil with the Lord and Savior of our souls.  Unwittingly, we may say,  I will give you all of me, if you give some of the "service" to the worship and exaltation of me.   Don't I deserve some praise for coming to worship service?  What is the center of our worship?  Is it my presence or is it His presence?

On the other hand there are many, who know not Jesus yet, who are looking for the promises of the devil to come to pass.  They have worshipped the devil for years and are waiting for their all from him.  Shame and sad will be the ultimate demise of such souls.  They may have had all of the earth at their feet at life and it will seem like ashes in their hands, if they miss the goodness of God and don't get to worship Him in their lives.  All the promises of God are yea and amen, to those who believe and all of the promises of the devil, though they look to come to pass, they are a mirage in the light of the knowledge of God in a person's life.  There is no scale to calculate the loss, if a man gain the whole world {worship included} and have not Christ as friend and Lord and King and Savior.  If I am present in worship and seeking worship from God {it sounds rediculous, but it is sometimes our lot in our depravity} God can cleanse such a state as this.  But, if I am bowing at the altar of the devil and waiting for the "present" from him, all that I will receive is death, at the last.  Then, where will I be?
Cleanse me,  Lord from my self worship.  Help me worship in spirit and in truth.  I know that the Father seeks such to worship Him. Amen.

Exodus 28

And thou shalt put in the breastplate of judgment the Urim and the Thummim; and they shall be upon Aaron's heart, when he goeth in before the LORD: and Aaron shall bear the judgment of the children of Israel upon his heart before the LORD continually.


Where are we in the Old Testament?  I truly believe that we were in God's mind, throughout the Old Testament.  I can imagine that when we get to heaven, we will see each of the years of the Priests garments and each believer in the NT era will be represented in the physical elements of the worship of the OT.  We are the spiritual representation of the physical elements of worship.  They, are the spiritual remembrance of the worship that we engage in to God.  They couldn't understand that the gentiles would be grafted in and we cannot understand that the gentiles are grafted in.

I rejoice when I get to Psalm 108 and I hear God's heart toward the gentiles in the OT.  He speaks of them as "mine".  He owned our history, in depravity he was committed to our cleansing and grafting. 

I see my hand coming out of the miry clay of antiquity begging for redemption,{though I cared not,  He loved me first}.    When will You redeem my people, Lord?   Where is Your heart for us?   Always, He responds, am I mighty to save to the utmost all who come to God through Christ.


Psalm 108:10  Who is going to bring me into the strong city?  Christ, asks in His mercy. 

Only Jesus is worthy to bear the burdens and translate God's heart into gentile and Jew, alike.

Each generation that followed the specifics of God's Word was anticipating, true and eternal redemption for the Jew, in spirit and for the gentile, in the elements.

Like a mommy with her baby's photo album,  God carries us through His intentions to save, in His Word.   Look, where I was thinking of you, here and here and there and there.

I am grateful that providence, today, led me to Exodus 28 and Psalms 108, where I can see myself in the stones and Urim and Thummim of God's instruction.   We are God's workmanship and we were in His mind, from eternity past.  Not an afterthought.  His merciful intention.

On the Longest Day of the Year, Remembering the help of God on the longest day of my life!

These hymns were like a rope around my waist holding me.  I was unable to hold the rope myself, in my soul.  God's hymns and God's spiritual songs performed so perfectly were doing more for me than I could even sense.  When I hear them now, I can feel the pain and the restoration in that exact part of my soul that was carved out in grief.  Thanks much to those who prayed for me.

God and God Alone

"...Nor His seed begging bread."

All this has happened before and it will all happen again...but this time it happened to a couple of crazy young people ready to place their flag into the landscape and put up a shingle marked "FAMILY". We were those young crazy people. We were those shingle toten dreamers. We had seen the previews and we had seen the advertisements and dreamed the dreams and now it was our turn. We jumped the broom, as they say 29 years ago today, to the tune of Endless Love and in the shadow of tears and cheers, as would be our consistent habit, from then on. "I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Walker. Whew, we made it. We said the words and we believed that God would see us through this vow we were making. The first time we watched Spencer's Mountain, we were the kids. Never ever imagining that we would grow up into Momma and Daddy. But today, we are Momma and Daddy. We've invested 29 years into this thing. We've gone from court'n and lov'n and whipp'n and preach'n to admirin and growin and seasoning the pot of stew that we're in{to change the metaphor}. There are no words to describe the sense of blessedness, to see God take you past your own personal limitations of imagination. I know I didn't think we would live to make it to 29 years. Forever seemed like 5 years in the beginning, but here we are. All the 5 year plans added together got us to 29 years. Hooray for God, who designed the beautiful institution of marriage and remains our daily strength to perservere- and our parents, who advertised the institution so well that we decided to enter it. Hooray, for the mentors that gave us peptalks along the way. Hooray, for a free country, where we can take up the task of parenting and find help and hope to continue on the path. Hooray for Pastors and teachers and instructors who gave us tools to work with. Hooray, for assistance and support from schools and government and public servants who keep our world safe, so that we can live out our faith here. The Long Line of Love continues

29 Years Wed. Thank You God!

Praise His Almighty Name!

The Worst of the plagues of Exodus

Exodus 9:13 And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me. Exodus 9:14 For I will at this time send all my plagues upon thine heart, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people; that thou mayest know that there is none like me in all the earth.

By far, the worst of the plagues of the plagues of Egypt was not the visual or physical torment. The worst was the plague upon the hearts of Pharoah and the people. When the heart is hardened and blind, it cannot see the superiority of the magnificent God, whose mercy we live under day by day. Lack of thankfulness for His past blessings is blinding. Lack of consideration that we are borrowers of His air and land and life is truly hardening. It seems that in childbirth there is a moment where that is the case. No matter the prayer that is offered, there is a blinder that comes upon the soul where you can see no way out. We call this transition, it means that the baby is just about to be born. In childbirth classes, we prepare the mother for that one moment in time that is the trial of her faith that she will be able to be delivered. Shame on us, who have received the mercies of God in Christ, to be blind to the God of the mercies. Shame on us, to the extent that we have withheld praise and worship to the God who has given us all things richly to enjoy. Let God arise, and His enemies be scattered. God, we pray for softened hearts and open eyes to see Your goodness and mercy, even in the clouds of difficulty that occasionally rise in our lives. The sweet mercy of a softened and contrite heart is a blessing. The hardness of heart and the blindness of eye that keeps the knee from bending and the voice from giving praise is the worst plague. Bless us, Lord to know You and see You in the graces and in the mercies and in the pains. Amen You inhabit the praises of Your people.

Prayer for the nation, prayer for my soul, prayer for my family, Not in that order.

Jesus, keep me near the cross. Children being taught in school and things on the ballot, too wicked to describe. I didn't know that was a sin, the children say. We read the scriptures and we spoke to them and they look you in the eye and say the Holy Spirit convicted me of that sin on this or that day and nobody told me before that. It is amazing that one word from the Holy Spirit trumps a life of Christian instruction. Shame on us for showing the children choices of sin and not instructing them in the right way. The pleasures of sin seem right for a season and pleasant, but afterward their fruit is death. Thank God for the Pastors who are holding up the "Bloodstained banner of our Lord" in the forum of public opinion. Help us, Lord to overcome, by the word of our testimony and the Blood of Jesus. Help us to use the experiences of Lot and Jonah and Ruth and Daniel and those who grew up in the wicked godless world to guide us through this dark season of our nation's history. Let us be those who stake our claim to the righteousness of Christ and the presence of our God in our homes and worship, for the glory of God and not for our own exaltation. Build Your Church, Dear Lord, that the gates of Hell would not prevail against it and give us the gumption to do exploits in Your name. Life and Health and healing and redemption and growth and peace and freedom and deliverance, in Your Name, Lord Jesus. We trust You for more than we have seen. Be exalted, in our world. Amen.

Enjoying the access to the presence of God

Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him. Pr. 27: 22

The presence of God was bought by the blood of the Lamb. We, through our circumstances, in the midst of the vicisitudes can either enjoy the presence of ourselves. I am here. We say. I am taking my own autograph, enjoying the presence of myself in my trouble. I cry and mourn, I am here. But, through praise, through the sacrifice of praise, we can enjoy the presence of God in the midst of the troubles that we endure. The mortar and the pestle are in the hands of the Master. We can, either justify the foolishness of our own existence. I am truly still a fool, no matter how the Master touches and crushes. Enter the seasoning, I pray, in the midst of the situation. God, I pray that my foolishness will be seasoned with You. My foolishness is clinging until the blood of Jesus and the praise of God calls my Savior to inhabit the praises of His people. I live below my privilege of the presence of God, when I cry without praising and acknowledging that God is above it all. He is with me in the storm. Cover my foolishness, in my praise, I pray.

I need Thee, Oh, I need Thee!----Uphold me with Thy free Spirit, Don't take Your joy from me.

We have so much more than godly Job, in our sufferings. He said though, He slay me, yet will I trust Him. We have the sacrifice of Christ and the presence of God to comfort us in our sufferings and the fellowship of the Spirit in the presence of His people in worship. We have the Word of God, inscripturated and hopefully written upon our hearts and still we ask for our own autograph in suffering. I am here. God are You here? God is there. We must know Him there. Season me with Yourself, Dear Lord, in the sunshine and in the bray.

A merciful and faithful High Priest is our Savior.

Hebrews 2:17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.

As those being redeemed out of idolatry, we have no clue of the significance of the merciful and faithful High Priest, in our redemption. The Jews of that day would have had mind's eye pictures of unfaithful high priests and unmerciful high priests; from Hophni and Phinehas to Zacharia. There were gradations of consistency in fidelity and mercy from the very poor to the very close. Even had there been one who was relatively consistent, so to speak, from the human element, there would always be time limitations that would keep him from being the eternally faithful and merciful high priest. Glory be to Jesus that He is the perfect combination of merciful fidelity and faithful mercy in the eternal presence of God on our behalf. We need not fear that He will not be on call that or this day, when our need is at its greatest. We need not fear that distemper would throw off His mercy or His faithfulness. He is eternally living "to make intercession for us." He is the once and for all sacrifice for sin and the one who argues those sacrifices to the Father. "5 bleeding wounds He bears, received on Calvary. They pour effectual prayers and they strongly plead for me." Halleluia, what a Savior!

God Moves...

"

God moves in a mysterious way"Blind unbelief is sure to err, And scan His work in vain; God is His own interpreter, And He will make it plain.

John chapter 4 (thoughts) The woman of Samaria won her whole city to Jesus. Perhaps her personal laziness caused her to interact with the Savior, because she was not godly enough to get water, without the backtalk. It should be a privilege to get water for the master, to the godly woman. Her laziness caused her to interact with Him. It seems that she was saying "Are you sure you want the likes of me to touch water for one as pious as you?" Jesus surely knew her heart. He didn't need water. He doesn't need anything that we can give Him. He was piercing into her unbelief, which in her was at the surface. It bled out over the entire city. She only needed a word. Still, later on, one who had seen the miracle of the water made into wine asked a miracle of life and only really believed when he knew what time it was that his son recovered. Sometimes the close we are to Jesus the more lazy we are in our seeking Him. We will find Him, if we seek. If we believe, because He told us of our sins and cleansed us, when we were too lazy, to even get water for Him. He will meet us. If we are too holy to think that our case could be solved by Him and ask in half believing faith, He will meet us, there. The worst case is that of the pious, who seek not because of self righteousness. They know not of the thorns and thistles that have long ago choked out the Word. They sleep in the harvest of their souls and the worst case will be their lot. Grant Lord, open eyes and busy hearts, that I may seek You, while You may be found.

The Sluggard will not plow...

Proverbs 20:4 The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing.

Truly, my heart is convicted that the plowing of my garden of fruit is not plowed. More than this concern, my heart aches for many whose gardens on earth are truly tilled and straight and whose fallow hearts have not been tilled. The heart is deceitful above all things and desparately wicked and we have but this short life to till the field of our hearts and reap life eternal. Not being able to eat of the fruit of the earth is painful, and yet you still can beg, if need be. There is no begging, when heaven's door is closed shut. Sad, that as Christians, we live so long without seeking the face of our God, in His Word. Many tears will be shed, that we were so unaware of the presence of God in His Word. What could we have won, for our generation on the earth, had we not used excuses of the cold, to keep us from searching His Word for truth. Another generation may win the prize and we may be disappointed. He will wipe every tear from our eyes; but, can one be His, who has no desire to know Him, or know more of Him?

Beyond what we can think or imagine...

I am praying for the Church on earth. I am imagining Sister Geraldine, testifying to the grace of God, so faithfully, Bless her heart.
That is my imagination of God's Church awaiting and adorning herself as a bride, pure and chaste to meet the coming Lord and Savior of the Body.
I pray that God would give us, in this generation the Church would exemplify what we saw and rejoiced in of Sister Geraldine. Singing Halleluia, Anyhow, at every turn of providence; with eyes set upon the return of Her Bridegroom.
The joy that God gave us young girls to watch such a beautiful love story unfold before our eyes, seems significant and a charge of stewardship. None of us can emulate that beauty, but we can see God working through that beauty to bring the Church to the unity of the Spirit, perhaps in our generation.
Looking for the paroucia, appearing of our Savior, seems to me to be looking for the Lord's cleansing and preparing His Church to get us ready. The passive waiting is the looking for Him and the active waiting is the preparing ourselves for that great day, personally and corporately.

The Precious Comfort of Acceptance in the Beloved

I think that I suffer from a spiritual amnesia, sometimes. The devil deceives me and I think that when I get myself together, I will be fit for worship and fellowship. I can't bring myself to face my brethren in my persistent sullen state. I drag or am dragged to worship and the face of comfort encourages my soul. The Word and the Worship are there, certainly; but, the salve of the faces of beloved brethren reminds me of the love of God.
Only the Christian has this injestion of the love of God in fellowship with others. God lends a piece of Himself as we gather for worship and fellowship. He says that where two or three are gathered there He is.
His special presence is a comfort to the grieving, a rebuke to the rebellious and so much more.
This is why the devil, himself opposes the fellowship of believers and does much to stand between us and our places of worship.
Satan says, they are not all that, you are not all that and why would you want to gather with them. Or, he scares you that this love could not be pure or purified, even by grace. He is a liar. God is exalted when we gather, notwithstanding remaining sin and corruption; blessed be the tie that binds..

What a tender representation of unity between brothers was my reading, this morning.

I can imagine the departure, as being so very caustic as it was would engender a terror that the reunion could have been warfare between two people groups. Jacob and Esau had parted, the one having stolen the other's birthright and blessing.
Many times, I have imagined the thoughts of Jacob and the preparation that it took to attempt to quell the possible wrath of a highly inflamatory brother.
This morning the spotlight seemed to fall on Esau. The longing and missing of his brother outweighed any upsetment that he may have felt justified in harboring.
My mind, immediately, jumped to the scene in the movie the King and I. I wished and hoped in retrospect that the answer of God to bring the gospel to Siam may have been in direct answer to the penitential prayers of Esau to his father, at the loss of the blessing.
How wondrous a thought, that God might have woven, even that penitence into the New Testament redemption. I see Esau seeing his earthly blessing as having been comparable to his brother's and saying to himself, there must have been more that my father was blessing him with than goats and wives. I see him passing the tradition of greeting dignitaries with a procession, as his brother did, all the way until...Anna. Each Father would pass down the story of the wonderful reunion of brothers: One blessed on earth and one in heaven.
The pursuit of God's truth was not passed on, but the pursuit of reconcilation to the brother in offence was passed on, perhaps.
Redemption is the gift of God, but what a day it will be when we are able to see the weaving of, even our forfather's ungodly longings into the pouring of God's grace upon us. Christ has become for us redemption and restitution for every injustice and seemed injustice. Esau, reconciled with his brother and if Siam's redemption was related to the repentance of the hated brother, it was redemption, unearned, but pleaded for.
God's presence is won, when pleaded for in our churches, on the other hand and let us not, like Esau miss the Heavenly blessing for the earthly.

I find a sort of Resurrection eclipse every year.

Some years the flashlight that I take into the cave of my remorse is the "Stations of the Cross".
I have little difficulty remembering the sacrifice of Christ, any other time of the year except Easter. What an irony of that!
My God is so merciful to be patient with my peculiar season of unbelief coinciding with the celebration of the Resurrection by the Church. Some years, I want to miss church altogether, on that day. I feel like going up to the once a year Saints and telling them off. It is the "butinsky, West Indian" woman in my soul that gives vent in this season. Castigating sinners for their one use of the means of grace is a worse shame. My angry grief puts a hand on my mouth.
The Holy Spirit has reproved me, so gently, through the birth of my nephew, Stoney: The most recent grandbaby. 8 years after my baby Ezra was born. I have had a hard time prying myself out of my path of grief. Occasionally, one of these situations will come up, where I cannot find my bearings, in the celebration that my sins are forgiven as a result of the resurrection.
My baby's death on Easter Sunday, seems to dredge up the very putridest of sores in my soul. Every year, there is some cleaning of the wound that has become a habit.

This year,there is a greater season of hard thoughts of God. I must silence my words of unbelief and thank God! My salvation is not in question, but God's mercy, seems compromised to my soul. I trust the eternal payment for my sins, but there is a blinder, that questions the goodness of God to me, personally.

I usually shed this dead skin some time after Easter, in the meantime; I miss a wonderful opportunity to love God and enjoy His Resurrection celebration.

My sins, Oh the bliss of this glorious thought.
My sins, not in part, but the whole. Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more!
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Oh my soul!

I lay my sins on Jesus,
The spotless Lamb of God;
He bears them all and frees us
From the accursed load.
I bring my guilt to Jesus,
To wash my crimson stains
White in His blood most precious,
Till not a spot remains.

I lay my wants on Jesus,
All fulness dwells in Him;
He heals all my diseases,
He doth my soul redeem.
I lay my griefs on Jesus,
My burdens and my cares;
He from them all releases,
He all my sorrow shares.

I rest my soul on Jesus,
This weary soul of mine;
His right hand me embraces,
I on His breast recline.
I love the name of Jesus,
Immanuel, Christ, the Lord;
Like fragrance on the breezes
His Name abroad is poured.

I long to be like Jesus,
Meek, loving, lowly, mild;
I long to be like Jesus,
The Father's Holy Child.
I long to be with Jesus,
Amid the heav'nly throng,
To sing with saints His praises,
To learn the angels' song.

The Explanation of the basics of Christ's work reminds me and takes me back to basics.Unbelief cries "why me?" The Stations take me to the place where I say-WHY HIM? HE FIRST LOVED ME?

A Kiss from My Savior

When I was at the very darkest hour of my life. I couldn't see God. I couldn't read God's Word. My friend picked up Spurgeon, on just this day and read this to me. It was a kiss from my Savior and I was helped!

What a blessing!

Only Christ is perfectly faithful.

Somedays, it feels like He's not there. 23 years ago was the very furthest I felt from my Lord. I still ask God where He was on this day. I know in my mind that He was there. Ju and I sat on the phone not able to sleep or think of anything else but a funeral on the next day. How could You allow my baby to die? I have since seen that death and not God snatched my baby. He is sovereign, but death is the snatcher and it is a bitter pill to swallow, when it comes to your home. Jesus came that we might have life and that more abundantly. Truly, God was not the author of death. We discovered it through sin. I felt God come near when I gave Him the grief of my heart and resigned myself to the truth that He is greater, even than the pain and grief of sin and death. I celebrate that even when God seems absent, as in anguish and grief and war and many unfair and sin-wrought things of this life, He is present.

I was in the middle of some very spontaneous prayers for Jo's baby, when the thunder bolt struck.

It was a sunshower and I was lamenting my inability to hug my pregnant sister and the want to kidnap that sweet baby straight out of the womb, just because. The thunder hollared, You don't mean that!
I was remembering the very first boy that I wished for, Michael. I was remembering Grandma Ruth- Pooh-pooing my tears and implorings and more and more thunder, reminded me that I have been more than compensated for my broken heart, that day. After it was all over and the girls and I reminisced and said, amen to an impromptu prayer for the impossible of seeing that baby in person at birth and the reality of wishing all of the most healthy things happen. We looked outside and the biggest rainbow at the back door behind our house, seemed to say amen with us. We loved that God lets us know He hears.

Faith is sometimes loud, Love is sometimes very loud, but hope is very quiet.

The very first Ash Wednesday that I remember was in second grade. The reality of sin and the reality of death were instructed by my teacher and I knew that I wanted to flee sin and badness to whereever I could get away from them.
I just get very angry that people always seemed to tell me that Jesus was the fixer of those things and I didn't understand what that meant. Maybe, I still don't.
Even in the second grade they said, "if you come to Jesus you won't learn to be as evil as your enemies." At every step of faith the guideposts seemed to say following Jesus is going to keep you from being like your enemies. I ran, far away from being like "them!" Who are they? What are they? Sinners, mean people, people that are mean to little people, black people, big families, the oppressed. I felt that Jesus would keep me from being like them. For years, I prayed like the Pharissee. Lord, I thank you that because of my faith, I am not like... When I sinned, I didn't know what to do, because my faith couldn't have an answer for this conundrum. I am being prejudiced, I am being mean, like Grandma Ruth, I am being unkind, like this or that person and my faith, is supposed to keep me from that. I was at a loss. I was empty of answers for this and I felt that the whole world of leaders had lied to me. I still have this sin, in myself. Taking "Holy Communion" didn't clean it, "Getting Saved" didn't keep me from sinning, "Getting Filled" with the Spirit didn't keep me from sinning and having my moments of sometimes meanness. I know that I had it all wrong, in the depth of my heart. I would hear and confess and forsake, but "Who will deliver me from the body of this death?" Scriptural question that festers still in my soul. Jesus comes with deep compassion to the Pharissaical works oriented believer. Jesus comes with quiet confidence to cleanse the deepest stain of self-righteousness. People try to control little people and they threaten Hell upon them, if they won't "be good". That is the wrong answer. You can be as good as gold and go to Hell. You can be as wicked as Satan and go to Hell. God changes the heart. I want to do good, not so I won't be like my enemies, but so I will please and make my Heavenly Father happy, because of the price that was paid for those sins. A perfect Savior gave His life's blood, so that I can know Him and know life and love Him. Loud talk doesn't save the soul, the quiet confidence of a Savior preached in truth does.

Psalm 45 Love to God!

My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Psalm 45:2 Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever.
Psalm 45:3 Gird thy sword upon thy thigh, O most mighty, with thy glory and thy majesty.
Psalm 45:4 And in thy majesty ride prosperously because of truth and meekness and righteousness; and thy right hand shall teach thee terrible things.
Psalm 45:5 Thine arrows are sharp in the heart of the king's enemies; whereby the people fall under thee.
Psalm 45:6 Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.
Psalm 45:7 Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.
Psalm 45:8 All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.
Psalm 45:9 Kings' daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir.
Psalm 45:10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house;
Psalm 45:11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.
Psalm 45:12 And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall intreat thy favour.
Psalm 45:13 The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.
Psalm 45:14 She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee.
Psalm 45:15 With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king's palace.
Psalm 45:16 Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth.
Psalm 45:17 I will make thy name to be remembered in all generations: therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever.

God is able to preserve our memory in the righteousness of the children that we rear. We cannot affect the godliness of the fathers much, but the godliness of our children is a preservative of our memory. I receive that as a promise in verse 16. I hear the spirit say, you prayed to see fathers serve and love God, though they have not, the children may. I still pray and commit the ways to God.

Hell Hath no Fury like...Hell hath no Vacuum like...

Why is Hell personified in femininity? Proverbs 7 struck me anew today. The woman whose sin is exposed prepares for the sin of her life. She is empty and longing and she makes religious sacrifices for the prey of her longing. She is a vacuum for Hell, says the writer of the Proverb. I imagine my son coming home from her house with his excuses. "She needed me. She prepared for me. She was hungry, mother? What could I do?" Surely, God will see the expectation of my body and longings were met? No, son, that is not how God works. She won't even remember you when you walk that way, next time. You will see her vacuuming someone else's soul.
I imagine my own sinful tendencies. Mother of life or vacuum into hell? Are you giving truth or justifying sin? I pray that God would make me aware of my own heart's truth. Thank you Lord, for redemption. Thank you Lord, for instruction in righteousness and may the days of want not turn to days of wanton.
Christ's loving relationship is the only remedy and help for the fury and vacuum of hell in the soul.
Christ is not a bunch of sacrifices and services to prepare for the sins I intend to commit tomorrow or today. He is the embrace that I run to for healing and strength and grace to help in a time of need. Lord, I thank You that You are the truly healing and helping Lord and God.

This is the goal and the prize that I reach for

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson



Kidnapped, Chapter 4 page 33

I Press, Fred Hammond---

Uncle had no ambition for this boy, other than for his bones to be strewn out his back porch, in an accident. No one would have known, because the boy’s condition was only under the uncle’s care.

I imagine that he falls unconscious and dreams of the dry bones and that God intends for him to speak life to his own generation.

This rich uncle, of the House of Shaws, takes the form of the devil pushing the soul of that poor orphan over the edge of his own limit. God breathes purpose and expectation into his soul. God takes the weak things and the foolish things and the things that be not, so that no flesh should glory in His sight.


The Church, perhaps at that time would have been orphaned. The uncles of the Church having only imperialism on their minds.

Today’s Church is full of mothers and fathers bringing our defiled daughter, the bride of Christ to our Savior and asking for the crumbs from the table to be the healing of our defiled condition.

Show Me Your Face!

Psalms 22: 24--
For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard

Fred reminds me the heart of true confession and repentance. The want to. The prayer of want to be Holy because God is Holy. I am so far below the standard and I see that.
He described how his mother would be washing dishes in the house, when she came home from work and there were times that he wanted to see her face and she was hidden from him. Sometimes she was crying and sometimes he didn't want to see her, because he had done something bad that he didn't want dealt with. Walking into the kitchen meant getting the thing dealt with. Seeing the emotions of his mother.
That prayer of seeing and wanting to see God's disposition toward us. Am I on Your team in this or that endeavor? Is this discipline or just consequences? I want to see Your reasons for what I am going through. I want to see Your favor and peace risen in my soul. I want to know Your embrace after the discipline. I want to get closer to You, as a result of this process of growth. I don't want to run past the kitchen door and hide under the bed, with the situation undealt with, because that means days more of not seeing Your face.

It always is a source of curiosity the difference between the Old Testament's Saints defilement of the body, with food and the New Testament Saint's

defilement of the spirit and the mind.
Daniel is my reference point. There were so many idolatrous philosophies to defile spirit and mind, but the earliest request of his was not to eat the king's foods. The fact that you don't hear of him requesting not to read this or that idolatrous book or subject, always facinates me. I know that they were repleat with wicked practices and thoughts, but God kept the people of God separate, through their diet, it seems.
The opposite seems to be true in the New Testament. Philosophies and spiritual battles are first fought and our bodies are kept in line, through our minds taking thoughts captive to Christ.

Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

Replacing the thoughts of the world and the idolatries of our ancestry, with the truth of Jesus is a daily work.

What Indices?

Last year, the Dow went up 5% or so; the only bright news on the economic horizon. If you had money in the stock market there was good news and bad news. Some years my soul sees improvement and my body and my home. Some years, I wake up at the end and wonder, where I was. I remember certain matches, in tennis, where I was up by a large margin and the next thing I know I am shaking the girl's hand and she won. What happened? I fell asleep. That was a common reproof of my father and coaches. " You fell asleep at 4-1 and lost 6-4. I certainly can live, not having beat my opponent on the court, but the court of life and the court of family and certainly the spiritual court there is an eternal consequence.
The story of Scrooge is the story of Hell opening it's doors and pushing a soul in the direction of Heaven. If you don't listen to the reproof of mercy, justice will hit you very hard. Charles Dickens penned the reproof, carefully.
As I set my scales for the new year, I want to buy a scale and chart my progress, or lack there of and my physical improvements, my financial goals, I want to be aware of, but most of all, I don't want to be unaware of my spiritual condition. I really don't want to wake up in the emergency room saying that I didn't know that I was so close to a heart attack. I want to know if I know God, or not.

Love means we are taking stocking and stocking stacks. What is your blood pressure, weight and spiritual indices.

Teach me, Lord, to number my days, that I may apply my heart unto wisdom.