Grief and loss are a blinding power. I do know this first hand. I am never so blind to the goodness of God or senseless of His comforts, as when paralyzed in my grief. When I even look in the direction of grief, it is as though a deerlike paralasis, as when a car's lights have it in sway, comes over me and I am stuck careening into its abyss. The best advice that I have found for such an emotional and spiritual weight and distress, has been from Pastor Martin. He said look at all of the things that happen, through the cross. As though the cross were stamped upon your eyes. Christ’s sacrifice is the only thing that makes sense, until the by and by and until the emotional sickness of grief is past or strengthened.
That is the only thing that makes sense in blinding grief, is that Jesus paid it all for my soul. Everything else is blurry under the weights of grief.
I love, Melody Green’s song, Do I trust You? That is always the question. Am I going to be one of those who trust You under the weight of pain of loss. Hold on to the unchanging hand of Jesus. He is holding tight to my hand when my eyes are swollen from the tears and my strength is gone from trying to trust.
Do I trust You? I can’t relate to these people who only know of the victorious chants of everything being in their favor. I praise God, in spite of His piercing providences. The sacrifice of praise glorifies God, as well as the praise in goodly circumstances. The difference between a human relationship with God and an angelic relationship, they never have their wills gone against, those angels, which are God’s.
We have the experience of being disappointed by God’s providences and still having to love and trust Him, even in our disappointments.
Having the will to love and trust and praise Him, when our hearts and minds are full of questions of His love and care. Having to trust what He has said when everything looks bleak is a human relationship with God. That is the mutuality that God intended in the making of man in His own image. As mutual as one can get to mutual with a supreme and fully sovereign being. In Christ we have the ability to converse and hear from God and learn to love Him, even, in the “fellowship of suffering” there is only looking at the difficulty of 9-11 through the lens of the cross of Christ. Are You Good, Lord, when suffering comes to my city, to my neighbors and to me? The demons always say no. The angels always say yes. They see the heavenly perspective. It is intensely human to question and seek the Lord’s face and will in suffering. We are not robots and God didn’t want that. Thy face, o Lord will I seek, was the sentiment of David that made him a man after God’s own heart. Are You good, when I am in distress, Lord? David didn’t say yes or no, he said let me see. I am seeking Your face in this, Dear Lord, show Yourself strong. Show Yourself, loving. Show Yourself, longsuffering. Show Yourself, who You are. That is the example of the difference between faith and unbelief. Unbelief, justifies self, in the face of God. I am…good? I am…great? Taking on the justification of self.
What is grace for? Surely we will learn what grace is for, as we sail to heaven’s shores. Pastor Martin was the only Pastor that I heard say that we will fight and struggle, with sometimes little to show for our labors, if would make heaven our aim. He is the only one who had a comfort for me in the loss of all dear ones in some season or other, though he didn’t have a clue that those encouragements were for me. God is our Heavenly Coach and He is more interested in drawing out growth than in maintaining the status quo. The greater our responsibility the more that we will stumble and weep and struggle over our ailments of soul. God, please give me grace to stand for You, amidst my responsibilities. The more children? The more relatives? The more advantage, the more gains, the more money, the more influence…etc. God has people in every sphere who are being called to live for Him. Can I live for Him in the job that I have? Can I live for Him with the amount of responsibility that I have. Seek my Face is God’s invitation. Your Face, O Lord will I seek should be our answer. I can’t see how God could use me to live for Him, in my responsibility. That is everybody’s answer. Anybody who can see the whole way on, is lying. Can I live in communion with Christ, in my family, with my life and the mess that I am living in and the consequences of the life that I am sowing. Seek My Face is the answer God gives. Your Face will I seek. Seeking wisdom, where wisdom is needed, seeking guidance, where guidance is needed. Seeking patience and the fruit of the Spirit where needed. The devil says, You can’t do it. You might as well give it up. Satan, get thee behind me. 5 bleeding wounds He bears, received on Calvary, they pour effectual prayers, they strongly plead for me.
My conscience must be cleansed by the blood of Jesus. I must live in the light and communion with God, in the light of His efficacious sacrifice. Cry and weep, the loss was very great for us on 9-11. Generations before put their grief into movies and poems and songs. We are speechless. God is good, even when we look at our grief in the face and can’t see past the smoke and the soot. Help us Lord, to clean up our world and give it to our children better, safer, more considerate, or, at the very least, more conscious of sin and salvation through Christ. We are not omnipotent. But we can be conscientious, caring, thoughtful, courageous, prayerful, consistent and God-fearing people. That doesn’t mean that we have to look like wierdos, just regular people whose tears flow, when the numbers 9-11 come on the screen. Who will never live to see a day when we pray that that plane isn’t going to crash. Who try to do what we can to trust God with what is left to us of time and strength. Who fear God and try to do right.
Storms may rise on seas unknown
While we journey towards our home
Surely we'll learn what grace if for
As we sail to heaven's shore
Send us strength O pilgrim guide
Sin would drown us in its tide
Be close at hand and go before
As we sail to heaven's shore
Holy Spirit lead us on
Give us courage bring the song
Lord we trust Your Father's care
Will convey us safely there
Open or seal off every door
As we sail to heaven's shore
Straighten our course with every prayer
Let heaven's breezes speed us there
And grant us mercy evermore
As we sail to heaven's shore
Draw us near O finest Friend
From dawn's light to evening's end
Each passing day we love You more
As we sail to heaven's shore
As we sail to heaven's shore
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