That book especially, I thought would be the death of me. I am not walking like a Christian in this or that situation, I had read about. I must not be one. My thoughts in my deepest griefs. It says this is how a Christian walks through this. I am not able, even with my mind seeking God and looking to Him, I am slithering to Heaven on my belly of grieving and questions. How can they keep saying that we are more than a conqueror, if it is like this with my soul? They sing so victoriously, that it is well with them? I don't know such a confidence. I search for the instruction and the "how to's" from Puritans and Patriarchs. None could help.
I read and read, where is the peace of God, here or there?
The actual reading is at this linkI was undone, everywhere, but in the scriptures. God loves you, undone and unbelieving and grieving;He still sent His Son for one such as you...An amazing thought for me. Take the time to grieve and put every comfort on the pain of loss and there is still only one real remedy. The face of Christ, alone, in eternity, will bring peace to that pain. People have written music. People have written books, but until they have blindly accepted loss and held on to faith, it is only theory. I heard about bringing the sacrifice of praise and I did that. I got to know God, but I was still in excruciating soul pain and questions. I read Owen and McCheyne and the martyrs, no comfort there at all. Yes, others have given more than I have placed in the grave. Others have suffered far more, but I am still in excruciating pain. I have had 3 more sons and 3 daughters and guess what, it doesn't erase the pain of loss of a child, firstborn son. Never will I understand it, but I will still believe God and I will still serve Him, through the questions and grief. That book blesses me now, but don't read it, if you are in any deep grief, it wasn't written for that. God loves you through the dark valley, is all you need to repeat, then.
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