Breaking up the fallow ground of my soul.
About this time of the year, with the holidays behind us and all the festivities settling as a fond or piercing memory, for some reason the blah’s seem to settle in. My heart seeks out other things to start lusting after. I remember that Santa didn’t get me quite everything that I wanted. I remember that I am not exactly happy with who I am or what I am doing right now. I am nudged to maybe attempt some new large project or to invest in some great new endeavor. Will I ever lose that last 50lbs.? Or so? Will I ever climb mount everest?
Where did all of that joy and peace on earth go that was palpable last week?
I have to go out to my spiritual shed and pull out my contentment shovel. I start digging!
Roots of bitterness have started to deepen and make their homes in my soul. I have to dig them out! I don’t like doing this work. It is dirty and it is painful and it is not something anyone will ever look at and say what a wonderful root system you have. It is underground. It is deep in the pits of my soul where these roots start.
The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment!
That is a book that I have read many times much to my own chagrin. I should be an expert in this, but still I am a neophyte in subduing my own discontent. Yes, I remember that God is good. Yes, He is with me in worship and in my daily life. Yet, I find myself spiting my “less than” condition. Less than her and him. Less than them and well. I am glad they have what they have, but I want more!
Wrong answer!
If Christmas is just the building of greater wicks to enkindle more and more desires in my heart, I will never be satisfied in Jesus.
The gift-giving in Christ doesn’t start and end at Christmas. Awaking to the gift of the borrowed breath that I breathe. The skills that God has sharpened in my life are fuel to praise God and keep my eyes open to the use of them.
Now confession of those horrible roots of bitternesses and remembrances of the No’s that God has said to me. Bitterness holds tight to those roots and often I must blast them with serious dynamite. If I don’t read and keep my tongue from complaining and bitter accusations against God’s goodness in this or that missing.
Hath God meant you well in this or that thing?
God has meant me well in all of his dealings with me, is my rote reply to the devil’s often and loud accusations in my heart.
Where is your…?this or that?
He is so merciful to help me pull and pluck and tear at the roots of bitterness that grow up as tall and high as my grief tree which was built upon my praise and tears for His glory. Why is my bitter root growing as deeply as my Praise Tree?
One look at His Wonderful Face dispells all of my discontent!
If they don’t rise to loom large, we can’t see God crushing them under His amazing Gaze!
It isn’t me growing my praise Garden. It is God who works in my soul both to work and to have ambitions for His Glory. Only eternity will show the truth of how much he has crushed the giants and quelled the roarings of Giant despair and kept me from the sloughs of dispond. Purpose and usefulness in the greatness of His Glory.
Did I? Am I? Will I? We can’t hear the well done’s from the distance that we are standing from God. Often our new songs don’t use language and don’t even seek to lift our language. “You deserve it all”
Who “you”
Eternal, Immortal, Invisible, God of Glory Everlasting Might and power, etc., etc.
My mommy used to say who’s she “the cats mother” Which you are you singing about? You Omnipotent, Beneficent, Eternal?
These ambiguities have a tragic occurrence in our souls. Satan himself finds purpose for our ambiguousness. We must fight back. We must give vent to the reality of the very high and loftiness of the one with whom we are enthralled or we are living far below our privilege.
Jesus, the powerful name is enough, but with what measure we engage ourselves to aspire and exalt ourselves on resumes and in articles about us. We find superlative words to exalt ourselves and yet we only refer to He who built the lofty skies as YOU. I am inept!
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