This is the goal and the prize that I reach for

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson



Kidnapped, Chapter 4 page 33

I Press, Fred Hammond---

Uncle had no ambition for this boy, other than for his bones to be strewn out his back porch, in an accident. No one would have known, because the boy’s condition was only under the uncle’s care.

I imagine that he falls unconscious and dreams of the dry bones and that God intends for him to speak life to his own generation.

This rich uncle, of the House of Shaws, takes the form of the devil pushing the soul of that poor orphan over the edge of his own limit. God breathes purpose and expectation into his soul. God takes the weak things and the foolish things and the things that be not, so that no flesh should glory in His sight.


The Church, perhaps at that time would have been orphaned. The uncles of the Church having only imperialism on their minds.

Today’s Church is full of mothers and fathers bringing our defiled daughter, the bride of Christ to our Savior and asking for the crumbs from the table to be the healing of our defiled condition.

Show Me Your Face!

Psalms 22: 24--
For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard

Fred reminds me the heart of true confession and repentance. The want to. The prayer of want to be Holy because God is Holy. I am so far below the standard and I see that.
He described how his mother would be washing dishes in the house, when she came home from work and there were times that he wanted to see her face and she was hidden from him. Sometimes she was crying and sometimes he didn't want to see her, because he had done something bad that he didn't want dealt with. Walking into the kitchen meant getting the thing dealt with. Seeing the emotions of his mother.
That prayer of seeing and wanting to see God's disposition toward us. Am I on Your team in this or that endeavor? Is this discipline or just consequences? I want to see Your reasons for what I am going through. I want to see Your favor and peace risen in my soul. I want to know Your embrace after the discipline. I want to get closer to You, as a result of this process of growth. I don't want to run past the kitchen door and hide under the bed, with the situation undealt with, because that means days more of not seeing Your face.

It always is a source of curiosity the difference between the Old Testament's Saints defilement of the body, with food and the New Testament Saint's

defilement of the spirit and the mind.
Daniel is my reference point. There were so many idolatrous philosophies to defile spirit and mind, but the earliest request of his was not to eat the king's foods. The fact that you don't hear of him requesting not to read this or that idolatrous book or subject, always facinates me. I know that they were repleat with wicked practices and thoughts, but God kept the people of God separate, through their diet, it seems.
The opposite seems to be true in the New Testament. Philosophies and spiritual battles are first fought and our bodies are kept in line, through our minds taking thoughts captive to Christ.

Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

Replacing the thoughts of the world and the idolatries of our ancestry, with the truth of Jesus is a daily work.

What Indices?

Last year, the Dow went up 5% or so; the only bright news on the economic horizon. If you had money in the stock market there was good news and bad news. Some years my soul sees improvement and my body and my home. Some years, I wake up at the end and wonder, where I was. I remember certain matches, in tennis, where I was up by a large margin and the next thing I know I am shaking the girl's hand and she won. What happened? I fell asleep. That was a common reproof of my father and coaches. " You fell asleep at 4-1 and lost 6-4. I certainly can live, not having beat my opponent on the court, but the court of life and the court of family and certainly the spiritual court there is an eternal consequence.
The story of Scrooge is the story of Hell opening it's doors and pushing a soul in the direction of Heaven. If you don't listen to the reproof of mercy, justice will hit you very hard. Charles Dickens penned the reproof, carefully.
As I set my scales for the new year, I want to buy a scale and chart my progress, or lack there of and my physical improvements, my financial goals, I want to be aware of, but most of all, I don't want to be unaware of my spiritual condition. I really don't want to wake up in the emergency room saying that I didn't know that I was so close to a heart attack. I want to know if I know God, or not.

Love means we are taking stocking and stocking stacks. What is your blood pressure, weight and spiritual indices.

Teach me, Lord, to number my days, that I may apply my heart unto wisdom.

Blessings of New Years is the blessing of the presence of God being with us, in all the circumstances.

There is no way to predict what will come in the 2012. We set a course and God sends the wind. The question is always, are we getting closer to Heaven, or further away. We have put our sails into the wind of God's disposing, in starting a family over 28 years ago. Some years Heaven has seemed just over the next horizon and some years it seems we are still at the point of launching out. How did we go all this way and we still see land behind us and nothing in front?
There is a Heaven and we have the same destination in mind, though our courses veer hither and yon. We have known some years since we have sat at the River Jordan with precious loved ones. Those difficulties make Heaven so solidly in front of you, though you cry at the looking at it. Your minds eye is fixed by adversity and pains, sometimes. When those times are just a fond or difficult memory, the haze of time puts other priorities before you. What do you want, then? At one time in my life, the only thing was Heaven and my baby and now, there are a few things on earth that distract me from that one goal. I have 6 other children on earth and a dear husband. Sometimes, I mistake them for heaven. Sometimes, I am sure I will miss Heaven on account of them.
In both situations, God is above the griefs that take you to the River Jordan and the joys that enrapture your soul with cumberances. Living with the confidence that God's presence in the midst is most to be desired, is a delight, in whatever vicissitude.


God is love. I look forward to the 2012 and laboring on our family boat, knowing that His presence on and in the way is the most enjoyable part of the process.
Happy New Year.

Of Priests and Kings, We are a royal priesthood, a peculiar people...

Christ, our prophet, priest and king, came from the glorious heavenlies to live among us and show us real and living truth. He possessed all the fullness of the Godhead, bodily. He laid them aside and paved a path to the presence of God, with His divine obedience and His divine sacrifice.
He lived, the example of holiness and the example of humility, now He lives to defend our souls against our fiercest foes: sin and death. He intercedes, He condescends to hear us and He lifts up a standard against our overwhelming enemies. He reigns in the lives of His people and promises true and unending love to His body: the church.
Now, in Christ, we possess the riches of life eternal. We are kings and priests and and royalty, divine ownership is ours of the presence of God, our worship and our fellowship. There is certainly, no more precious a possession, than a real relationship with Christ and His Church.
We own this privilege to grow up into Christ, in all things, on earth. Wisdom and stature and favor with God and man; we follow our Savior. We pray for special annointings on the special callings that we have on earth. Annointing to mother and father and serve and study and teach and rule and invest, for the glory of God. Jesus told us that greater works than His, would we do in His name. Investing in health and healing, in study and growth and peace and safety, is the calling of the Christian Church in this New Testament time. We are empowered by our Savior to do all that we are enabled to and that is before us, for His glory. We get overwhelmed by the immensity of the task. God alone is omnipotent. We are not. We are only responsible for what is before us and what we are able to do.
Dear God, I have 6 children and only 2 hands. I have clothes left to clean and laundry and other tasks to accomplish. I have questions and things to do that I have begun and not yet completed. I ask for grace and strength to prioritize properly. I ask for an annointing of grace and strength for the task of the new year. As I gaze at the baby in the manger, I remember that He was the eternal God and gave His very best to save me. I ask His forgiveness for my ineptitudes and grace to serve Him through this year with a greater sense of imitation of His help. I ask for confidence in the reality of the grace that He has promised. I ask for love for family and neighbors that He lived out for me. I ask for wisdom to discern the right priorities of time and talents. God, You promised to be with us in our duties. I ask for a real sense of Your presence, in worship and the whole week long. Like David prayed, I pray, Uphold me with Your free spirit, Do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. When I stumble, through the year and the days, give me grace to get up and to repent and walk on. Put Your hands out that I may see myself walking to You. I love You Lord! I desire to live, for Your glory.

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"

In Jesus' precious name, Amen!

There was a sheet of grief pulled over my eyes, when the doctor said...

I am sorry, there was nothing else we could do. I looked into that dear Dr. Bacha's face and that was the last thing my soul could see, for years, it felt like.
I looked at the clock and the time was 1 or a little after 2 oclock and the time seemed to stop.

A dear family lost a little one this year and I was forced to look at a day that my mind never goes to, on purpose. The muck and the mire of grief is a horrible place to live. This Christmas, I am grateful for the many hands that pull and guide me out of the places of the mire that beset me. Each time I step into the bogs of grief and sorrow, the Holy Spirit raises a standard against it, but it is not without a fight.
I kept asking God, why He would keep me alive when my purpose was gone. There seemed no reason for clocks or time to go on.
I had negotiated with God on every turn of this pregnancy. I sacrificed and offered the best of what I had, to beg God for a son. Everyday, I walked to work and prayed that God would see my offering and give me the desire of my heart. Elated, was the moment and better than any Christmas present when the midwife said it was a boy. Our family was complete. There was nothing else to do, but rear them in the fear of God...Until that day.
My husband was the first to battle on behalf of my soul. The shroud had covered my soul's eyes. What do we do now? We had prayed all Easter day. Is there a God? I know that there is. He said no. What do we do? My husband said this is what we do...We get on our knees and thank God for each of the 21 days that we had him. I bowed in obeisance to God and obedience to my husband. I was truly grateful for the most beautiful and delightful days of my life. A season when all my prayers had come to pass and a season where I felt that God had heard my every wish. Now it was dashed. Now it was over. Death had come between me and the most treasured answer from my Lord.
Little glimpses of comfort came from hyacinths and sunrises. I found small delights in songs and other things, but for the most part I was crippled in grief. I couldn't reconcile the goodness of God and the hardness of the sense of my baby's face against mine and having to tuck his little body into the cold, hard earth. I had learned from my Bishop that the sacrifice of praise was always in order. I knew that God is always worthy to be praised. So, as deep as the grief was, I praised Him as hard as I felt. I writhed in worship and I learned that the Christianity that my forefather's learned in the crucible of slavery had balms for the griefs of life that were truly useful.

I learned of the comfort of family. I will never forget the sense of Aunt Ra Ra's voice wafting through the fog of pain. I remember the hands of my sisters guiding me to the shower and helping me see the way to the doors. I felt numb and useless. Then the song of the redeemed, strengthened my knees, in church and I felt like I could move again. God's comforts were many and vast, but the darkness of grief was deep. I remember the visceral anger of jealousy that heated in my breast, whenever I would see other's who were allowed to keep their children. I remember a special season of anxiety at the reality of the judgement of God on sin and my dear Abby, who is now gone called right at that moment. We are still on earth, his voice seemed to remind me. God was so merciful not to strike me, in those wicked thoughts. What do we do, when those horrors arise? Thank God for the 21 days. Those days were engrained into my memory, but when I awoke the emptiness of my maternal arms was still there.
The sun shone into my soul when "The Preacher's Wife" came out. I could see God was good. I had jumped in my soul, through some of the fog and now I could see that the things that felt unbearably painful, were the wrapping cloths for my heart, keeping it together. From the question of Grandma Ruth abruptly asking "Where's your faith, Jayne?" to the sweet readings of Spurgeon into my soul by my dearest Sharon. God was in it.

Help was on the way!